When a marriage ends, some couples are still able to talk and work together to agree on how to exit the relationship. The couple may have overlapping concerns that allow them to prioritise a helpful way forward. These concerns can vary but commonly are:-
- a belief that the children will benefit from seeing their parents move co-operatively to the role of co-parents as opposed to spouses.
- the desire to reach solutions that make sense to them as a couple, rather than being told what to do by third parties.
- the need to save the money spent on legal fees, so that there is more to go around to use for the family’s needs.
It can be the case that there is a will to work together but tensions can creep in, which is not surprising when the relationship is ending. The fear and uncertainty of what the future holds for each, separately, can also be particularly worrying when it is hard to understand the law and the options available. Help is at hand with the ‘kitchen table’ approach to resolution.
'Kitchen table' approach
‘Kitchen table’ is the everyday term applied to separating couples who can sort matters out between them at home, with minimal input from lawyers. In other words, talking it through over the kitchen table is a substitution for a more formalised process. Inevitably, this process demands a level of commitment to a result is obtained that works for both. There may be some teeth-gritting, long pauses and deep breaths along the way, but listening and consideration will in the end overcome many obstacles.
A huge benefit of the ‘kitchen table’ resolution is that it is entirely bespoke with no rules or regulations. Conversations can be revived or revisited at will and when convenient, and can include wider family. Moving into a new life may not be easy, but if everyone is heard and options thoughtfully weighed this can only be a positive for the family as a whole.
‘Kitchen table’ is not a substitute for legal advice, but we, as solicitors, can complement a ‘kitchen table’ process. Some couples will approach the ‘kitchen table’ certain of what they do and don’t want and make a framework agreement, first, before one of them takes legal advice. Alternatively, legal advice can be taken from the outset. Having an understanding of the legal context, the options and the pitfalls with some tactical advice on how to get to solutions, then support the kitchen table conversations. Either way, legal advice also assists with the drafting of documentation upon which each spouse can then depend.
How Prettys can help
We have many clients who have found this approach a lifesaver. It helps to have solicitors experienced in this way of working. At its best, the approach gives control to the couple but in a safe manner by the provision of sufficient legal advice communicated supportively of the style of working. If you would like more information please click on the 'contact us' panel on the right-hand side of this article.
