When a marriage is ending, some couples want an alternative either to lengthy adversarial correspondence through solicitors or the court process. However, the couple may need more support than can be achieved by the ‘Kitchen table' approach, or, Mediation. There can be many reasons for this. One of the couple may feel seriously outmatched by the other in terms of knowledge, confidence, or, emotional strength. Alternatively, it may be as simple that the couple, or one of them, just feels better with their solicitor by their side, as they talk through what needs to be sorted. A very helpful option to consider in these cases is the Collaborative approach. This is underpinned by a Participation Agreement that both the couple and their respective solicitors agree and sign at the outset. This may sound heavy duty, but the Participation Agreement is pivotal to the way of working as it sets out how everyone behaves in the process.
Some of the main principles of the 'collaborative approach'
- all are committing to work the issues by meeting as a 4 way, to identify what needs to be sorted and then working through it. As many meetings as necessary take place, but the collaboratively trained solicitors (the qualification is needed to work in this way) will work together to pace the content sufficiently for progress, not leaving either one of the couple behind.
- the couple each prepares an Anchor Statement to reflect on what they need from the process and why. This can be powerful. It can be the case that couples become upset when talking this through – mostly because they never went into the marriage for it to end so experience a sense of loss for the hopes and expectations that have not been realised. Recognising this and using the Anchor Statements as a reminder through the process of what is important, keeps the 4 way grounded.
- progress is principally made by a discussion round the table with everyone present. It is a safe environment for talking things through because all agree what is discussed cannot be shared outside the meetings, without all agreeing. The discussion is expressly not to entrap the other, but to get to positive solutions after the opportunity for a full discussion. As part of this, the couple cannot threaten each other with court or make unilateral court applications.
- where other experts are needed, for example for tax advice and financial or pensions advice, the expert can be invited into the meeting. It can be amazingly effective and fast to have an expert present (remotely or physically) to add to solutions and problem-solving, all within the session.
- it is understood from the outset that all are agreeing that the solicitors will not be able to continue to act if the Collaborative approach fails. This means all are tied to the success of the approach. Solicitors who work Collaboratively tend to find it one of the most worthwhile ways of working because it is the one process when you are committing to work not just with your client but with the other spouse and the other solicitor, to the end good of the couple.
How Prettys can help
The Collaborative approach can work where there is a good measure of goodwill between the couple but conversely can be a most effective approach when there are difficult issues, or either or both of the couple feel strongly about the issues. This is because there is the combined effect of both solicitors pulling in the same direction instead of in different directions. If you think this approach may be suitable for you call us to talk it through or click on the 'contact us' panel on the right-hand side of this article.
